MYTHS AND REALITIES OF MARRIAGE
- EACH SPOUSE WANTS TO HAVE CHILDREN
While they bring great emotional pleasure, children are hard work. Unless it has been discussed by the couple before they actually get married, not every spouse wants to have children. Many people get into marriage with this assumption and are disappointed that their significant other doesn’t really care to have children. This is particularly so where the couple find it hard to conceive and it appears the one of them is not co-operating with the investigative and treatment process. It is important that not only this issue is discussed before marriage but that the partners discuss the number and the spacing of the children they want to have.
- WITHOUT MARRIAGE ONE CANNOT BE HAPPY IN LIFE.
Marriage is a lifestyle. If we all had the same lifestyle, life would be dull and we would all get into each other’s feet. We would all stumble all the time. There are some people who are happy to stand aloof and watch their friends lead their married lives; they are leading their lives pursuing other interests that are different from marriage. Are they as happy? They are probably happier.
- GETTING MARRIED IN CHURCH OR BY THE STATE GUARANTEES THAT YOUR SPOUSE WILL REMAIN MONOGAMOUS
The marriage certificate and the ring do not make the marriage. In almost all instances, women want to go the statutory marriage route because they believe that will keep their men monogamous. Reality from time immemorial has shown that a philandering man is such and will not remember his marriage vows, when he takes on other lovers or even wives. Our society isn’t extremely sympathetic to the woes of a woman who takes a beef about her husband’s infidelity. The mantra is that the woman should face the upbringing of her children rather than her crumbling marriage.
- MARRIAGE MAKES PEOPLE RESPECT YOU.
Respect is earned and not bought. Marriage does not confer respect of any kind on the spouse, either at home or in social circles. A man or woman who caries their self with dignity and integrity will certainly have respect loaded unto the cart. While marriage may confer status on the spouses, this does not equate to respect.
- MARRIAGE TAKES AWAY LONELINESS.
Marriage could actually be the loneliest time in one’s life; especially in the first few years, especially when one/s friends are still largely unmarried. Marriage imposes many restrictions on a (Wo)man’s freedom to spend time with their friends but doesn’t guarantee that your spouse wants to spend time with you as much. A good marriage doesn’t just happen. It takes nurturing, openness, and commitment and lots of communication for a couple to scale the feeling of loneliness when together.
- CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE MEANS THAT THE MARRIAGE IS FAILING.
A marriage will go through many conflicts and like any other relationship will only grow stronger when conflicts are resolved. It is important that couples determine to forge ahead despite their conflicts and resolve them as soon as possible. After a misunderstanding, many partners will let their resentment build while quietly hoping that their loved one will figure out what they did wrong or think it’s so obvious that they shouldn’t have to spell it out. This is usually never the case, and a spouse may be stewing while his spouse is wondering what the matter is.
- MY SPOUSE WILL KNOW WHEN I AM NOT HAPPY.
Since our partners can’t read our minds, it’s important for each of us to communicate our needs in a marriage. Communication is key when couples experience conflict or disconnection.
They must learn to express their feelings and be honest. In general, it’s essential to understand that being happy just doesn’t happen magically. You have to make it a priority and have vulnerable conversations with each other.
- HAVING KIDS MAKES A COUPLE CLOSER
Unfortunately this is not the case. Any times because a couple have come from different backgrounds they have the tendency to understand parenting differently. It is important that this issue is also resolved before marriage so that together they know the kinds of limits they would set for the children in dealing with each parent.
- MARRIAGE IS ROMANTIC
It is the way we respond to our differences that keeps the flame in any marriage. When a couple recognise that they are two different individuals they realise that they cannot agree all the time on every issue.
Conversations about their differences and acceptance of such will keep the flame aglow in any relationship. They need to constantly share their stories and make time for ‘pillow talk’.