As she walked into my practise that Thursday afternoon, I looked her over. Decked in an obviously not-cheap suit she wore her wig in a way that complimented the make up on her face. Her nose had a bit of shine, but you could see she had made effort to blot out a lot of the oil on her face. I was certain she was nervous. Her low-heeled shoes, I had seen before at Shoulders and Heels, and I know they only sell expensive professional shoes.
Titilayo’s eyes met mine as I welcomed her with a low toned ‘hello’. I wanted her to feel welcome in a calm way. I was used to her kind of person. I knew she was hurting and needed someone to lift the burden off her heart.
Sometimes, when I think I have heard all the stories, I am surprised that there are worse stories out there. Why would a woman who had left disapproving kith and kin to marry her husband seek help because there is trouble? Why should such be in trouble? Your guess is as right as mine, relationships are hard work and it is not easy to admit failure.
‘My dad told me that I would regret the marriage and that I should feel free to let them know if I need to talk, but how can I go back? I know that they are not deceived but I cannot tell them the details. It would break their hearts and my broken heart is enough.’ She said as she took out of tissue from her handbag to dab her tears.
I offered her my box of tissues. It always sits on my desk for moments like this. She gathered herself, blowing out her nose lightly. She shook her head as if to give her wig a swirl. It is almost a confidence booster as I saw deep into those crying eyes that she needed help despite her courage.
It takes courage to admit that a marriage is broken or breaking. It takes courage to determine that one wants to save a breaking marriage. It saves courage to admit that the marriage is broken and divorce will give a chance at a new life.
There are many women out there who are fearful of the backlash of a broken relationship and so stoically remain in a place where they do not thrive and cannot develop. They remain in a marriage that makes them cynical and emotionally drained and unfulfilled. Like the Ostrich, many of them ditch their heads in the sand covering their faces with the sand of church or religion. Others simply mask their true desire with the excuse of children.
I cannot work with women who are fearful of the future and so want to remain in unhappy marital states. I liken them to little girls who hold the hand of the nurse so she won’t give them the injection that would make them well. They are tedious. They never want to take any responsibility that the fault may be with them. They feel that it is always the man that is the cause of the tension at home.
I enjoyed working with Titilayo. We weighed up her options for her own life and she remained in the marriage, but only for two more years. The issues were simply too many that she was able to see that her marriage died long ago. I love working with women who are in relationships that they admit needs help. I believe that your personal happiness is want you bring daily into a marriage for its growth on the long term. If you are not happy in the marriage you are double-debited.
Counselling is a good place to start the journey of helping your marriage, but it starts with saving you.
I am sisilawyer. I am a trained marriage counsellor. I troubleshoot issues of the heart from a lawyer’s perspective. Get in touch and let us have a chat on Whatsapp +2347052882332 or via this link
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