Divorce Counselling: What Nigerians Need to Know
After a prolonged period of quarrels concerning Ayo’s habits of keeping late nights and disrespecting her family, Juliet was about losing it. But she wouldn’t just give up without a fair fight to keep alive her sole source of joy, apparently.
So she sought advice from Aunty Olamide, whom she believed had some mature and reasonable role to play in fixing the whole issue. Upon sensing she couldn’t do much, Aunty Olamide recommended she and Ayo meet with a marriage and divorce practitioner for professional counselling.
Juliet raised the issue, and Ayo lost his wits, became irked, and descended on her. His violent outburst was on the misconception that meeting a marriage and divorce practitioner was a sign of weakness on his part to resolve the issues in his home. Hence, he swore never to oblige her request.
Things further deteriorated, leading to their separation and divorce subsequently.
Misconceptions around divorce counselling has led to several mistakes, which is why we shall be exploring the topic exhaustively in this post.
WHAT IS DIVORCE COUNSELLING?
Divorce counselling is the process by which a professional divorce counsellor explores the grey areas in your marriage for clarity and solution.
Divorce counselling seeks to give you a safe landing on which you can resuscitate your dying marriage or split up with your partner in a mutually friendly manner.
During a divorce counselling session, the key factors that could bring about disintegration are highlighted and discussed. While, how best to tackle divorce and post-divorce living is also treated.
It’s a process and not a one-off thing that blossoms into sudden results, because you both have to come out fully with whatever grievances you hold.
In the process, you will find out that what has hindered your marital growth might be very easy to resolve with a professional approach.
WHY DIVORCE COUNSELLING?
Divorce counselling is misinterpreted by many people as the last move or even a move that can end their marriage.
You find people asking: why should I go for divorce counselling? Can’t I fix my home myself or with the help of my spouse? Why can’t we bring any of our friends or relatives to interfere and resolve all issues? Why can’t my mentor, boss or spiritual leader come in?
The truth is, their opinions are mostly not founded on professional expertise in marriage and divorce, but on personal standpoints.
As divorce counsellors, we identify, recommend and follow up on different stages of piecing together the broken trust, affection or respect in a relationship; or walking both parties through a split.
We professionally accustom you to the reality on ground and the ways to navigate around them for the best results.
Besides everything, you need topmost confidentiality when resolving issues in your marriage, and divorce counselling very much guarantees that.
HOW DOES DIVORCE COUNSELLING WORK?
Just like Juliet tried to work out something with Ayo, you first need to commit efforts to getting the best possible outcome with your spouse – whether salvaging the relationship or splitting up.
When you see yourself denying that the whole affair isn’t hitting the rocks, it’s a great time to seek divorce counselling.
The first stage is to consult with both parties separately to get the key points of their pains, reservations, anger, or frustration.
This is followed by understanding what daily routines each spouse has and trying to connect them to the resolution of the conflict or facilitation of the split.
Then a set of established workable solutions are proffered for first stage experimentations. The essence of this is for the divorce counsellor to gauge the toxicity or otherwise reparableness of the marriage at this point.
The feedback then forms the foundation for a more robust solution which borders on emotional, psychological, social and overall state of the relationship and what the future holds for the parties individually and collectively.
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The last stage is to ensure consistent follow-ups are made to track the growth of the parties.
WHO CAN ATTEND DIVORCE COUNSELLING?
Divorce counselling is an all-inclusive technique to achieve the most appropriate result in the event of fall-outs in marriage. Therefore, it’s for both spouses.
As the man, divorce counselling helps you to:
- Understand that you can also be at fault, and not always right. Hence, it destroys toxic ego.
- Focus on what matters for the sake of your mental health and growth of the home.
- Understand your place in the home and stick to things that push the family forward, not backward.
- Going through the divorce process with courage and candour, if that’s the reality.
From the above, you can avoid the costly mistake Ayo made by thinking divorce counselling isn’t for him.
As the woman, it helps you to:
- Crawl out of your illusions and face your reality, without referencing other people’s reality.
- It places you in a position of objectivity, so you can also accept your mistakes and make amends.
- Grow from a weak, down-trodden woman to a strong, persevering and accomplished woman who can fix issues dutifully with proper emotional intelligence.
- Stand and thrive through the reality of divorce, if that’s the case.
WHEN IS DIVORCE COUNSELLING NOT RECOMMENDED
As much as divorce counselling is therapeutic, it’s seldom recommended in some situations, which include:
- When the tension is very high: Where the couple are in so much bitterness that they can’t sit in a room or even meet without violence, you need to hold off divorce counselling. At least until the pressure is deflated.
- Threat to the counsellor’s life: Some uninformed family members of both or either parties can misinterpret divorce counselling as tending to destroy the home and start issuing threats to the counsellor. In this scenario, divorce counselling isn’t recommended.
- Where the parties have not tried to work things out: This is sacrosanct as you started the journey together, and should also try to make it to the end, just like you vowed. You both have to sit and have a reflection and outpour of anger, frustration, and all ill-feelings you hold against each other. If this isn’t done, divorce counselling might not be the better option.
To have a chat with a divorce counsellor who will guide your path for better clarity, click here.
Divorce counselling can be a simple but efficient strategy for restoring your relationship or divorcing amicably.
It’s not a process or strategy that yields positive fruits just overnight, but if you consistently act as you’re instructed, you’d be sure to have the results you crave.
So, what’s stopping you from getting out of that dark place you currently are?