When he says ‘I am outta here’

Amanda couldn’t believe what she was hearing. How could Greg be asking her for a divorce when all these years she had tolerated his bad behaviour? He was leaving her for the mother of his child, the one whose adultery Amanda had tolerated for the last 5 years. Unbeknownst to her he had continued seeing the lady and now Greg was saying he needed to be with her, given that their third child was on the way.

She felt like a zombie! Thunderstruck!!

She suddenly was lost in time, the tears rolled down as freely as the memories attacked her brain, like a violent, fierce and heavy storm that broke everything in its way.

She watched as Greg moved from room to room packing up the remains of his personal belongings. He was leaving the house for her and the kids to live in, he wasn’t taking anything that would change the comfort they were used to, but he was removing himself from the known structure.

Amanda felt a sense of loss; she had kept up the pretences and had suffered the humiliation because she didn’t want the stigma of divorce by society. Divorce wasn’t the option for her despite the feeling of loss she felt daily in the last five years. They had stopped spending time together and certainly Greg had stopped helping around the household chores. Sometimes I think the process of divorce and its aftermath is a process of grieving into a new chance at happiness.

Her friend, Sally’s constant question surfaced, as a new wave of water works come awash from her eyes ‘What if he comes home one day and demands a divorce? Why not see a counsellor? ‘to which she would answer, ‘I will pray…prayer solves all things.’ She wondered, in the midst of all the confusion inside her mind why prayer had not saved her marriage.

A bad marriage is disastrous and a divorce is further grief. Sometimes I think the process of divorce and its aftermath is a process of grieving into a new chance at happiness.

Babe, get real!!! When he says he’s outta there, he probably is. Men find it easier to move on with their lives while women remain in limbo…..cursing.

Men build stronger new lives while women violate their children emotionally because their ex-spouse has rejected them.

They lay the blame on the doorstep of the church, yet life continues even in the church.The church has no responsibility for your happiness. They may give the diagnostic tools, in the form of prayer and worship but you need to sit down and use them wisely. Even the church has counsellors but there are professional counsellors outside the church; after all if you faced a criminal charge you would see a lawyer even though you are praying; if you were buying real estate, you would view it, search titles etc even though you may be praying.

In the same way, you need to see a grief counsellor while you work with a lawyer on the process of separation and divorce. Grief has a process and every kind of loss goes through it, even yours.

Read more here  https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

 

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