I get to talk to a lot of people who admit their marriages are in deep trouble, who wish to move on with their lives, but would rather keep the issue of divorce on the back burner. Many there are who believe that going to see a lawyer signifies the end of the marriage.
Many are afraid to reach that stage and who rather hide behind what a pastor said or what the holy books say. When you ask them what the holy books say they misquote it, either because they would rather not discuss what divorce is or whether they are ready for such a step. Many would say they would rather their spouse start the process. I had the privilege of looking at the numbering of a divorce petition filed two months ago, September 2017, and it was numbered over 3800plus husbands had commenced the divorce process this year alone, in only one judicial division of the High Court. Traditionally women have higher numbers. We have at least 4 judicial divisions in the State that I live in, and this is the 2nd busiest of the 4.
Strange that a lot of people who resist divorce enter into bigamous relationships and never think about what the holy books say about adultery. People believe that rather than the divorce they can lay on another pile of ‘marriage’, which in the eyes of the law and in God’s eyes are wrong, illegal and sin.
Divorce is not a tea party. It’s a process that is long, expensive and emotionally draining, but when the marriage has hit the rocks it’s the only option for allowing one the possibility of a new chance at happiness.
In neuro-linguistic programming, we are taught that a thing has the meaning we assign to it. Many people attach feelings of stigma to divorce. They believe that people who are divorced are failures, unreliable etc. Many times the stigma attached to divorce sticks because we allow it to. We accept that a divorcee is a stigmatised person; but are they really?
The person who allows stigma would argue that if he asked questions about divorce then he is a failure. How can you be a failure when all you are doing is making enquiries? It’s never too early to ask questions when your marriage seems to hits the rocks. Making enquiries and seeking paid advice doesn’t break a marriage, anymore than ostriching in the sand about it does. When your marriage is in trouble ignorance isn’t bliss.
Researching divorce means talking with different experts such as a divorce coach, a lawyer, an accountant etc. Such research puts you in a position to make a well-informed decision not just about your marriage but also about divorce. Through your research you may conclude that while you do believe ending your marriage is the right decision, now is not the right time. You may discover that what you need is a separation for the time being.
Researching divorce helps to troubleshoot options in conflict and that’s never a bad thing.
Today sit down and write out 5 reasons why you think your marriage has broken down and five things you would do to heal those reasons. That may be a good place to start. Do you wish to share them with me? Drop me a line.
I troubleshoot problems of relationships of the heart. I am Sisi Lawyer