Marriage Counsellor or Divorce Court; which comes first?

Many people remain in an unhappy marriage for reasons ranging from the children, to the fact that God hates divorce. Others say they do not mind being separated, presumably because God didn’t talk about being separated!!!!

Usually living together or apart he truth is that both are not happy at the state of the marriage and excuse their refusal to get divorced on reasons give about, among others. They do not voice their unhappiness to each other, even though the vows were made between themselves, and some even go as far as reporting issues to third parties to the marriage.

There is the popular definition of insanity being doing things the same way and expecting a different result.

There is another set of people, women especially, who feel they owe it to the marriage to find a solution and get frustrated when the other party doesn’t seem to be responding. They threw up their arms in frustration and after a short while give up and the cycle remains. Sometimes they stay at other times they leave.

When a person gets sick, he goes to a doctor and takes medical advise and treatment. When a person notices some defect in his home, he consults an engineer and bears the cost of restructing the house or repairing the structural damage.

It then is difficult to understand how a couple refuse or aren’t aware that they need to go for counselling as a check-up or treatment in their marriage. In my experience, I’ve talked to very few people who took advantage of marriage counselling before deciding to divorce. They didn’t really give their marriage a fair chance by working with a professional.

Very few of us are equipped with relationship skills and need help when the marriage starts to bleed. A marriage counsellor is usually skilled and can be of great benefit in teaching couples new ways of solving marital problems.

What can marriage counselors do for couples?

  1. They are able to use tools, such as diagnostic tests and other therapy to understand where the communication flow is impeded.
  2. You will learn how to be assertive without being offensive. Both spouses need to be able to talk about their issues without fear of hurting the other spouse.
  3. They are able to help willing couples to dam the flow of resentment and accusations from perceived wrongdoings.
  4. Counselors help people to process and work through unresolved issues; at the end of which is still unresolved they would have satisfied themselves that they gave it their best attempts.
  5. You will develop a deeper understanding of who your spouse is and what his/her needs are. Better yet, you will learn more deeply who you are and what your needs are. You may end up finding that those needs can be met inside the marriage. Alternatively you may not.
  6. If your marriage cannot be saved, a marriage counsellor will be able to teach you skills that you need to bring into any new relationship you may have.

It’s never too late to seek professional help but the earlier is always the better, before hurts and opinions have set in. Divorce is not retractable. The only other way is to start the marriage afresh; so why not make sure that you have sought all the help that you can get or is available before you determine that the marriage has hit the rocks?

If you would like to speak with me about the triggers that make you think your marriage is headed for the rocks drop me an email at All correspondences have an assurance of the seal of confidentiality.



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