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INFIDELITY – The Robber 7 Ways To conquer Him

INFIDELITY – The Robber 7 Ways To conquer Him

Infidelity is a robber. It robs one of confidence in self, in the future as well as of the past. It robs us of our self-esteem and we start to wonder if we are not as desirable as we may wish to be seen.

Society is more tolerant of the man who is unfaithful than of the woman, and no matter the standard set, it creates a wound that leaves a permanent scar on the heart even after forgiveness. It gnaws at the fabric of what the couple held dear and is an indication that personal boundaries have not been set.

We all know how we feel when we are given details of our partner’s sexual escapades before we met them. We get jealous and sometimes uncomfortable in the company of those they have had sexual liaisons with in the past.

I recall my friend, Bose (not her real name), who remarried and felt obliged to tell her new spouse how she had been busy in the past. Being a very sociable couple, they have come in contact with men she has had relationships with and in the spirit of baring it all she tells her husband details of each relationship she has had with them.

Bose told me that on one occasion, her new husband asked her, with great consternation, to save him the details. He was getting very uncomfortable and embarrassed by her stories. He told her how he wondered if he had not made a mistake. No doubt he knew she’d had many lovers before him but he felt she has thrust the details in his face too much.

Imagine how the reality of taking a lover outside the relationship stares one in the face when found out. It is like grief. Initially, there is a denial and then anger and rage set in. where it cannot be contained any longer, it leads to a breakup of the relationship or acceptance of the situation.
Accepting the situation may not be the best place for both partners as that leads to tension, malice, and many unresolved issues.

While we do not easily sacrifice our relationships on the altar of infidelity, it tears down the offended party. It creates tension between the parties and it stabs at the confidence one has in the other. It triggers doubt and gives coloration to every action no matter how innocent.

In my book, Ada’s Love Notes, Chapter 12, Ada tells that infidelity is a robber. Many times, the unfaithful partner is unable to perform properly at home. This is without the tell-tale signs that become noticeable. He/she becomes distant, or can’t concentrate much. He starts to wonder at what they profess to themselves in the past and doubts the veracity of the same.

Infidelity comes in different guises and may not always be accompanied by sex. Infidelity starts from the heart. Sexual intercourse with a third party is simply a symptom of the malady. Do you think infidelity can be forgiven?

  1. You need to accept that infidelity is a wound and will take time to heal.
  2. What part did you play in leading the partner into the arms of someone else? Identify it, forgive yourself as you progress forgiveness for your partner.
  3. Take time to resume sexual intercourse, if you must. Have they contacted any STDs? Look out for yourself.
  4. Recognize that trust is broken and needs to be rebuilt. Take each day calmly. Try as much as possible not to bring up the offense as you work on the restoration of your relationship.
  5. Journal. Writing is therapeutic and a journal helps you recognize and acknowledge milestones in the recovery process.
  6. Go out. Socialize. Don’t stay home to sulk.
  7. Refuse to obsess about what happened between them and the third party. Imaginations are powerful. Stop your negative imaginations.



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