Desertion – Can be constructive

‘I hereby pronounce a decree nisi, dissolving the marriage celebrated on 4th December 2018, between Charles Abayomi Onilenla and Nkiru Amaka Chukwu at the Nsukka Marriage Registry.

This decree shall become absolute three months from today, unless there are extenuating circumstances that prevent it.

This shall be my judgement……………………………………..’

Nkiru was in a daze, she heard the words ring out as if from afar. More was said about the children and about the access to them during holidays especially. Abayo had gotten everything he wanted. The rings back… the children also. The marriage certificate she clung unto was now a worthless piece of paper. She had three months to make amends if she wanted to …but she knew that the damage was too far gone for that. She had heard that there was now a Shalewa waiting in the wings. Indeed her children had told her that her former bedroom had been stripped, up to the paint on the walls. Her occupancy of the home, the one she had joined Bayo to build, was no longer open to her to visit as she wanted.

Nkiru was a powerful woman; she was chairman of her string of companies. She had recently acquired an international franchise for her fabric trading business and was the sole importer of the new silk fabric; marketed worldwide by Panache….the one every fashionista in Lagos wanted to be seen in…but her power had not extended to holding on to Abayo.  She stared into space, everywhere was spinning, she knew her lawyer was helping her up so they could leave the court room, she simply allowed him. No use resisting…….the marriage was dissolved. The tears would come later as she stiffened her upper lip…no use showing that she cared.

As he drove back to his office Abayo reminisced how things could have resulted into this state. He felt tears prick his eyes, for the marriage and for the good times they had shared. Money was not an issue in their marriage…..had never been. She no doubt had done better in the business world than he had…but there was never any problem about money. He sent their three children to the best schools in Lagos and they had each progressed on to tertiary education in the United States of America. ……She had not packed out of the home, until the divorce proceedings started…..she had been told that unless they were living apart for up to two years, …or was it a year, he could not divorce her. Nkiru had now painfully learned that desertion does not have to be living apart. She had also learned that desertion could be constructive, that is living at home but deserting one’s partner when you withdraw from all activities that go to the sanctity of the relationship…. sex, feeding and other things that set you apart as a pair.

[Tweet “Sexual intercourse goes to the root of all marriages. Refusal of a spouse to consummate their marriage is a reason for immediate nullification of the marriage.”] After consummation there must be continuous response to each other in a marriage, unless where there is agreement. The agreement may be withdrawn at any time.

Where does infidelity come into this state of affairs? Could it have been as a result of constructive desertion……..Once condoned can that be a reason for the breakdown of the marriage?

Every day we hear all kinds of stories about what the bible or the Koran says about sex. The Matrimonial Causes Act is not different nor does it counter what the holy books say, it is the holy books that are misinterpreted because of the influence they have on people.

[bctt tweet=”Sex in marriage is to be enjoyed, not endured. Sex in marriage is as much a responsibility as eating is. It is the responsibility of both parties, one to the other.So why do people not simply enjoy this phenomenon but rather get ‘headaches’ as night approaches ….?”]

 

 

 

 

 

 

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